It might not be your favorite topic, but heartbreak is a key aspect of growing. It helps you realize what you want in a relationship by showing you what you don’t want. That being said, it still hurts like a bitch.
My closer friends know that I just had a pretty wild summer. I moved to Kansas for love, intent on spending several years there before coming back to California. For one reason or another, my life did not follow the course I had set for it. Maybe setting a course was my first mistake. Either way, I ended up back in Northern California on October 1st.
My best friend and her husband took me in right away. She even got me a same-day plane ticket home. She heard my desperation and heartbreak through tears in my eyes, voice, and heart as I told her that things in Kansas just weren’t going to work out. Big shoutout to this amazing human. I love you Christina!
For those of you reading that don’t know me that well, I’ll tell you right now that I’m a pretty private person when it comes to my love life. Don’t expect details or explanations. Don’t expect to hear me talking shit or bashing my exes. Every single decision I make in my life, good or bad, has taught me something. Every experience has opened my eyes to new perspectives. Every relationship I enter teaches me more about myself as a partner, friend, and lover. I am a pupil of life and love and heartbreak is just another subject to study. No regrets ya’ll!
If you wanted drama, go ahead and click away from this post. If you want to start a conversation about growth, shout it out! Here are a couple (okay, a bunch) of things I learned from heartbreak this year:
- See the blessing in EVERYTHING- life is meant to test and teach us.
- Without darkness, light has no value. Without shadow, there is no highlight. Without sunset, there is no sunrise. Appreciate the lows in life and let them come and go so you can focus your energy on the highs.
- There are no wrong decisions in love as long as you follow your heart.
- Don’t be afraid to make decisions on a whim. This goes along with following your heart. If something feels right, go for it. Don’t give a single f*** about what others will think of your choices. Adventure is so damn fun and will teach you so much. Embrace it!
- Don’t be ashamed when a relationship doesn’t work out (even if you told the whole internet and everyone you know that you were gonna end up marrying and having babies with this person) You can’t predict the future and it’s okay to accept that this one just didn’t work out.
- Just because it didn’t work doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Sometimes two seemingly compatible people are at such different stages of growth that their vibrations cancel one another out, leveling both parties.
- Don’t try to force something to work. You will end up sacrificing your own energy and personal growth trying to be a better match for your partner. When two people are meant to share their lives, it will happen naturally and bloom like a beautiful flower in spring.
- Hold onto friendships and relationships with an open hand. Sometimes people need to drift away from you to grow themselves. Try not to take this personally. (I like to view this as giving people the space they need to be the best version of themselves. Otherwise, you aren’t being a good friend to them and really, who wants to be a bad friend? Not me!)
- I can’t stress this one enough, so listen up!!!!!! —No matter what someone says to you, no matter how nasty, how mean, how hurtful, never react with that same energy! — Nine times out of ten, when someone is being hurtful to you with their words, it is a reflection of the pain in their own heart. Never wish someone pain in these situations. Wish them healing. Wish them love. ❤
- Never treat someone as “bad” as they are. Treat them as good as you are. Responding with negative thoughts and energy will only drain you and make you feel worse. Be the bigger person. Spread love around like avocado on toast. (And sometimes you can sprinkle a little salt on top for flavor, but be careful- there is definitely such a thing as too much salt)
- Don’t let an ended relationship set you back. Feel the pain, let it consume you, release it and move on. You have so many things to do in this lifetime. A true friend wouldn’t want to see you suffer endlessly over them, and an untrue friend is never worth suffering over to begin with.
- The only person you “need” in life is yourself. Feeling needed can be sweet, but it can also be overwhelming and suffocating if you don’t feel worthy of being needed by someone else. (I’ve always wanted to feel “needed” as a way to prove to myself that I’m worthy, but I realized recently that all I need is love and the love I get from others is dependent on the love I have for myself and the love I project into the universe.)
- You get what you put out. Seriously, read that again. Over and over. Get that shit tattooed on you if you can’t remember it. YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY. The physical world and everything in it is only a mirror of your own self. If you are negative, the whole world is negative. If you show love, you will receive love. It’s that simple.
Life will go on. Time will heal you. Love will nourish you. You will prevail. You will survive. You will thrive.
Always with love- xoxo Dee