In Defense of Small Talk

How are you?
What’s up?
What do you do?
How’s life?
Where do you live?

I hear these all the damn time. “What do you do?” is my least favorite of them all. That quote all over Instagram rings so true to me:

grocerylisthappy
Today I was reflecting on this and how small talk works, and I thought of something. Small talk makes me uncomfortable. It’s not that it is under-engaging per se, but without follow up questions to gain depth it makes me feel vulnerable. The simpler the question, the more depth is required of my answer in order to have a genuine and engaging conversation with someone. That’s a lot of pressure for me sometimes. It requires me to be confident in myself, comfortable in my views, and transparent with my emotions. That can be so exhausting when you’ve been hurt a lot.

By avoiding small talk, I’ve actually realized that meaningful conversations are much harder to come by.

My generation was taught to hide behind a mask when we express ourselves or to just ignore it and bottle it up. For whatever reason,  I tend to do the latter. I have dreams, goals and ideas in my head and heart that bubble up from time to time, but sometimes I just keep them in. I have a hard time sharing my passions and interests with just anyone because I’m a bit sensitive to criticism. I worry others won’t understand the passion behind my beliefs, and because I’m an empath I am easily influenced by others’ beliefs and tend to change myself and my own energy to match that of other people.

Are you an empath?

planetaryhealer

The Planetary Healer Empath

Your Total Score: 80 out of 80
Your Out of Control Healer Score: 10 out of 10
Your Protection Tools Score: 25 out of 25
How Much You Mirror Others Unconsciously Score: 15 out of 15
Your Appreciation for Nature Score: 10 out of 10

“You scored extremely high on the overall results. You are definitely an empath.

You are highly intuitive and can almost always tell when people are lying. You may want to look into getting energy work and healing done on your second chakra. Usually people that need to be around water all the time have blocks in their second chakras. You love nature and unconsciously understand its healing effects — which is a general, but strong indicator that you are an empath. You have a deep love and appreciation for nature. You recognize the sacred expression of all beings. You are truly wise. But you have a wonderful ability to sway and change the moods, energies, atmospheres, and environments around you.

You need to learn how to recognize and differentiate other people’s energy from yours. Learning psychic/empathic meditation tools will help. You scored the worst on the “Mirroring Others Unconsciously” portion of the quiz. It looks like you have a tendency to mirror other people and their energy. This means that you give up your energetic seniority at the whim of the world’s changing winds (in other words: other people are able to control or influence you too much on an energy level). You would benefit from learning to control your crown chakra and probably cord removal or healing work.

You are a wonderful and loving person. You are also what is known as an “out of control healer!” You would benefit immensely from energy work and empathic tools for releasing guilt and responsibility.”



 

Luckily, these are patterns I am altering. I realized that small talk can truly be a valuable tool, especially when getting to know someone but that it must be felt and not just said. I’m learning to dig deeper for depth and authenticity in my conversations. For instance, instead of asking what someone does I may ask “What are your passions?” and instead of asking where someone lives, I might ask them instead “Where are you from? Did/do you like it there?”

Sometimes I worry I come across as nosy, but I’ve learned that people respond really well when you ask them questions they don’t answer all the time. It requires them to actually look inside themselves and come up with a new answer. It requires them to be vulnerable and allowing someone to be vulnerable around you in a safe, judgment-free environment is one of the best things you can do for them (in my opinion).

Safety is really important in making new connections and relations. Sometimes when a heart breaks, it freezes in order to stop the pain. It shuts down to avoid feeling unsafe again. The heart begins to fear the next break.

But in freezing, the heart loses the richness of strong emotion. An empath is capable of loving in a way that allows others to love themselves more. Or at the very least it brings to light the barriers standing between the person and true love.

Okay, I wandered away from small talk. Do you ever get carried away with your passion? It’s a beautiful experience.

All I’m saying is don’t hate on small talk because the true culprit of surface connection is the inability to let down your guard, to dig deep for meaningful connections, and to listen more than you speak. If you can step back and see things from another perspective, your world will fill with love. Your heart will defrost, and it’ll hurt at first, but that’s okay. Feel it deeply, let it hurt, then let it go.

Tell your heart not to be afraid. Remind your heart of what lies ahead if it can hang on a little longer. Remind your heart what true childlike bliss feels like. There is love on this Earth that will cradle you and heal your heart, if only you let it in.

Always with love- xoxo Dee

2 thoughts on “In Defense of Small Talk”

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