Do You Believe in Soulmates?

A soulmate is defined as: “a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity.”

The term “affinity” refers to “kinship of spirit”, characterized by high levels of intimacy and sharing.

Soulmates are thought to commonly share similarities, love, romance, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, compatibility and trust.

Realistically, soulmates can be anyone you share a personal connection to; these people can be best friends, siblings, family members, spouses, classmates, coworkers– you get the idea.

 

soulmates


The word “Soulmate” itself suggests the meeting of two souls, two halves meant for one another. Although a romantic sentiment, it’s not one I immediately agree with. If we look at the word differently, it can be interpreted as souls who meet and share a relationship (mate; friend).

I believe that the person with whom I decide to spend my life romantically and create new life with will absolutely be my soulmate. But I also believe that a soulmate is not limited to one person. I don’t see people as incomplete halves to a whole. Every life and every heart is completely different.

I have friends who never want to marry and friends who adamantly insist they will never bear children. That’s okay. I don’t judge and therefore I can’t possible believe that we are all lost souls searching for our mates. I can’t possibly entertain that in a world of 7.5 billion people, there is only one person who is the right “match” for me. How lonely a world would it be if you never met that one friend who you “felt like you knew your whole life?” What about that one relative that was always there for you when the rest of your family was making life difficult?

I believe instead in something a little more magical. I believe that a soulmate can be anyone with whom your soul travels alongside for any period of your own personal journeys.

In less words, a soulmate is anyone you have or had a strong connection with.

Notice how I included past and present soulmates in that last statement? Good, because that’s my next point.

I have soulmates with whom my soul traveled a while, but who are no longer in my life. These mates, these friends- were all drawn into my life for a purpose. Our energies were pulled together to teach one or both of us a lesson. And when our vibrations began to change and we began to follow our hearts, our communication naturally dissolved. These people are still soulmates of mine. They may not be in my everyday life anymore, but they are always in my heart. They either made an impact in my life or triggered a big change in my life that taught me about myself.

I also have soulmates who come in and out of my life at different periods and help me traverse difficulties I might be facing. These people are my “chosen family” and I know I can always count on them. Sometimes I go days, weeks, even months without talking to these mates. Sometimes it will even be years before our vibrations realign and draw us together again.

I’ll use a friend of mine as an example: We met 11 years ago, started hanging out 10 years ago, realized we had a strong connection, became best friends 7 years ago, spent almost every day together and then one day my energy changed. We learned a lot from one another, but the universe was pulling me off in another direction toward more self-growth so I had to follow my gut. I moved away, we tried to stay close, but life led us in two different directions. I struggled with not having her in my life and it was a difficult period for our friendship. But then one day, when the timing was right, our souls realigned. We fell back into our vibrations that brought us to one another to begin with. Having gone off and followed my heart, I had learned about myself and I was better equipped with coping mechanisms to help me through new challenges I may face. But over time, her energy changed as well. It was her turn to leave, to grow, to bloom. And since I knew through our experience what would happen if I tried to hold on too tightly, I held her friendship with an open hand.

Low-key gonna get me crying on here now. You know who you are girl. I love you so much my Moose friend.

I have a good handful or two of special people like this in my life. Some are family members, many are friends, few are romantic partners. Some of these people are from my past, others are still in my life- but they are all soulmates to me.

I hold open hands with my friendships. I don’t over-rely or suffocate. I try not to ever judge or make assumptions. Part of being an empath is having high-quality and deep connections, but not a ton of them. That’s okay though. When I was younger, I felt like people didn’t like me and that’s why I didn’t have many friends. But looking back, I’m happy with the friends I did make. The ones with whom my soul traveled are the ones I was meant to befriend all along.

souls             soulmatevslifepartner


As far as I can see, soulmates are drawn into your life for a couple different reasons.

  • A soulmate can come into your life for a reason. Maybe you needed support through a tough time, maybe you needed a wake up call, or maybe you just needed a friend you can count on. This person can come into your life for any number of reasons, but often it will feel like they came at exactly the right time.
  • A soulmate may come into your life to share a gift with you. This can come as a lesson or as guidance. Sometimes just their presence is enough to cause a shift in your thoughts and beliefs. This can guide you to a higher understanding of yourself and an increased level of awareness and growth.
  • A soulmate may come into your life because they are simply drawn there! This usually encompasses romantic partners, friends whom you spend a lot of your free time with, “soul sisters” and the like. These soulmates often come into your life for an eternity. These are your soul bonds. These are the soulmates who you always cherish as family, no matter what happens or how long it’s been since you’ve talked or seen each other. These are the ones you can go years without seeing and then upon seeing one another, it feels as if no time has passed. You pick up right where you left off and life goes on as it should.

 

I’m grateful for all of the connections I’ve had in my life. Even the times that seem dark would not be so without the comparison of light. And to know that there is light is a strength we are given to withstand the dark, even when we are frightened. Without one, we cannot appreciate the other.

Always with love
xoxo Dee

 

Let’s Talk About Heartbreak

It might not be your favorite topic, but heartbreak is a key aspect of growing. It helps you realize what you want in a relationship by showing you what you don’t want. That being said, it still hurts like a bitch.

My closer friends know that I just had a pretty wild summer. I moved to Kansas for love, intent on spending several years there before coming back to California. For one reason or another, my life did not follow the course I had set for it. Maybe setting a course was my first mistake. Either way, I ended up back in Northern California on October 1st.

My best friend and her husband took me in right away. She even got me a same-day plane ticket home. She heard my desperation and heartbreak through tears in my eyes, voice, and heart as I told her that things in Kansas just weren’t going to work out. Big shoutout to this amazing human. I love you Christina!

For those of you reading that don’t know me that well, I’ll tell you right now that I’m a pretty private person when it comes to my love life. Don’t expect details or explanations. Don’t expect to hear me talking shit or bashing my exes. Every single decision I make in my life, good or bad, has taught me something. Every experience has opened my eyes to new perspectives. Every relationship I enter teaches me more about myself as a partner, friend, and lover. I am a pupil of life and love and heartbreak is just another subject to study. No regrets ya’ll!

If you wanted drama, go ahead and click away from this post. If you want to start a conversation about growth, shout it out! Here are a couple (okay, a bunch) of things I learned from heartbreak this year:

  1. See the blessing in EVERYTHING- life is meant to test and teach us.
  2. Without darkness, light has no value. Without shadow, there is no highlight. Without sunset, there is no sunrise. Appreciate the lows in life and let them come and go so you can focus your energy on the highs.
  3. There are no wrong decisions in love as long as you follow your heart.
  4. Don’t be afraid to make decisions on a whim. This goes along with following your heart. If something feels right, go for it. Don’t give a single f*** about what others will think of your choices. Adventure is so damn fun and will teach you so much. Embrace it!
  5. Don’t be ashamed when a relationship doesn’t work out (even if you told the whole internet and everyone you know that you were gonna end up marrying and having babies with this person) You can’t predict the future and it’s okay to accept that this one just didn’t work out.
  6. Just because it didn’t work doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Sometimes two seemingly compatible people are at such different stages of growth that their vibrations cancel one another out, leveling both parties.
  7. Don’t try to force something to work. You will end up sacrificing your own energy and personal growth trying to be a better match for your partner. When two people are meant to share their lives, it will happen naturally and bloom like a beautiful flower in spring.
  8. Hold onto friendships and relationships with an open hand. Sometimes people need to drift away from you to grow themselves. Try not to take this personally. (I like to view this as giving people the space they need to be the best version of themselves. Otherwise, you aren’t being a good friend to them and really, who wants to be a bad friend? Not me!)
  9. I can’t stress this one enough, so listen up!!!!!! —No matter what someone says to you, no matter how nasty, how mean, how hurtful, never react with that same energy! — Nine times out of ten, when someone is being hurtful to you with their words, it is a reflection of the pain in their own heart. Never wish someone pain in these situations. Wish them healing. Wish them love. ❤
  10. Never treat someone as “bad” as they are. Treat them as good as you are. Responding with negative thoughts and energy will only drain you and make you feel worse. Be the bigger person. Spread love around like avocado on toast. (And sometimes you can sprinkle a little salt on top for flavor, but be careful- there is definitely such a thing as too much salt)
  11. Don’t let an ended relationship set you back. Feel the pain, let it consume you, release it and move on. You have so many things to do in this lifetime. A true friend wouldn’t want to see you suffer endlessly over them, and an untrue friend is never worth suffering over to begin with.
  12. The only person you “need” in life is yourself. Feeling needed can be sweet, but it can also be overwhelming and suffocating if you don’t feel worthy of being needed by someone else. (I’ve always wanted to feel “needed” as a way to prove to myself that I’m worthy, but I realized recently that all I need is love and the love I get from others is dependent on the love I have for myself and the love I project into the universe.)
  13. You get what you put out. Seriously, read that again. Over and over. Get that shit tattooed on you if you can’t remember it. YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY. The physical world and everything in it is only a mirror of your own self. If you are negative, the whole world is negative. If you show love, you will receive love. It’s that simple.

Life will go on. Time will heal you. Love will nourish you. You will prevail. You will survive. You will thrive.

Always with love- xoxo Dee